Years ago, before I started high school in Saginaw and went off to college, I was learning Tae Kwon Do from a local teacher in rural Michigan where I grew up. This local teacher happened to be a national competitor in his competitions days and is now a 7th-degree master blackbelt. It was this teacher that ignited my love for martial arts and taught me so many life lessons, especially the importance of discipline, at such an impressionable time in my life.
It was always weird to me that such an accomplished man and martial artist lived in what most consider “the middle of nowhere.” One day in class he told a story, the one portrayed in the video above, about how he ended up making his way to Bad Axe, MI as a refugee. There was a reason we bowed to the American flag before class. The freedoms we enjoy here in America are blessings, blessings that didn’t exist for him as a child and still don’t exist for many in the world today.
Many years later, after college, I stopped back into the restaurant that his family owns in Bad Axe, MI, and I talked to him about my plans to travel and my plans to travel to Cambodia in particular. He gave me his advice and phone number to call in case I needed help, but what I received when I got to Cambodia was an even greater appreciation and respect for a great man who impacted my life more than he probably knows. Being at the killing fields I got to connect the dots back to that story from class and really feel the inhumanity that took place and understand the perspective that he was trying to instill in us through Tae Kwon Do.
I feel really fortunate to have been taught and impacted so greatly by this teacher and I am really excited to be able to share this story so that it can impact others as well. That wouldn’t be possible or nearly as effective without the beautiful film put together by his son, David Siev. I highly encourage you to take 15 minutes out of your day and watch this film. You’ll be better for it!
Sometimes, and quite frankly recently, “Life [feels] indistinguishable from effortful maintenance.” Recently, and hopefully, mostly in my rear-view mirror, I’ve been down in the dumps about life. I’ve struggled with many circumstances I can’t control. There were many things I had planned and many directions I thought I could go. Those plans were canceled and most of those directions lead elsewhere now. I’ve been left stuck in the in-between waiting for the next thing big life event to happen. Waiting and hoping that maybe that next destination will bring happiness.
Coming out of Officer Candidate School I had a 6-month wait back home until my Infantry Officer training. Now, after recently completing that I am at home again with what was supposed to be another 6-month wait, turned indefinite due to COVID. I’ve been living life in these 6-month blocks of major life accomplishments followed by blocks of seemingly nothing. I’ve felt irritated at times knowing that I would have to wait through a block of nothing until I had a chance to tackle the next major life accomplishment block. However, in reality, these blocks of time weren’t really “nothing.” The problem was my mindset. Any amount of time that you have, no matter how long or short, is an opportunity and I lost sight of that. Lamenting on that, I wrote this as my New Year’s resolution for 2020:
“This past year I’ve been really guilty of letting time slip past me. I’ve been in between major life events and have just been trying to pass the time until I can get those major life events taken care of and accomplished. However, I really forgot to live while passing that in-between time. I forgot to live in the present and assumed I could have fun in the future when those things are out of the way. There is never as much as we think and nobody is promised tomorrow. This year a major resolution of mine is to live in the present and enjoy the small things.”
In hindsight, it’s amazing to me that I wrote this because it is a message I need now more than ever. Regardless, it’s been hard to stay true to that resolution, especially with so many things changing and being outside of my control. However, having that resolution in my notes is a good reminder that it is always good to stop and smell the roses! I’ve been trying to appreciate what I have got in the here and now, but more than that I need to take advantage of the time I have now for the opportunity that it is. It isn’t the life-changing opportunity that I want it to be, but maybe only because I’m not treating it that way?
I’ve rewritten and deleted this post several times trying to figure out the right way to word this post and tie it into some coherent glimmer of hope, but I’ve struggled to find the right words. Instead, I will leave you with some words of wisdom from someone much smarter than myself, my Jiu Jitsu coach.
One evening after class my coach took the time to talk to us about it being okay if you are struggling or going through a tough time in light of the current circumstances. To provide some context, he is a LLMSW (Master’s degree in social work) and a professional therapist. He talked primarily about how important it is to have goals. He, himself, is a two-time Jiu Jitsu black belt national champion, which were obvious goals for him at the time. He went on to say that the goals he had before COVID were not the same as the ones since. It took some introspection, but he was able to determine some new goals that would help him be the man he wants to be while still fitting within the limitations of our current circumstances. Despite being a two-time national champion, it took COVID for him to achieve his goals of quitting video games and eating sweets. While being a national champ is cool, which is more beneficial to him long term? For his overall wellbeing for the rest of his life, unarguably no sweets or video games is! You need to have a why! You need to identify some meaning in your life. For him, it was to be a better, healthier (mentally and physically) husband and father.
The same night he gave that speech he also left his message on our group page, and it had a positive affect on me so that is what I would like to leave with you those of you reading:
“Evening team, it is amazing getting back on the mats with all of you. I continue to hear “coach, I am struggling” Struggling with finances, anxiety, anger, sadness, grief, motivation, and just a general sense of feeling lost. Many other things. I had an interesting conversation with someone who said “I don’t believe (blank disorder) is a disorder, it’s just a normal reaction. While I am not 100 percent in agreement with this, I am in 100 percent agreement with the sentiment. The struggle is part of life. It’s NORMAL to feel lost, to feel sad, angry, anxious, frustrated, it is a troubling time for everyone. Rest assured – I can guarantee you even the steadiest of humans have experienced these things in this environment. There is nothing wrong with you. THERE IS a level to where one might need professional help – that is ok. If you need that, get it. So much of our life has been put on hold, so many of the challenges we crave have been taken from us (for now). While life is slowly adjusting to a new slightly different normal than we had 7 months ago we are all faced with a universal challenge – the challenge to hold on to our values and aspirations through the storm. Many of our goals seem so far off an we are challenged by the here and now, it is easy to lose sight of what we want, and more importantly WHO we want to be. Now is not the time to give in or give up. Perhaps your goals have changed, and that is ok, but continue to live a life driven by values – despite Sometimes we cannot do anything but fall, but how far? How deep will you let the negative events in your life drag you down? Sometimes success is making the fewest mistakes and taking the fewest steps back possible. Stay strong team and reach out if you need it!”
If you don’t know me that well then you might not know that I like cheesy quotes. As we have started this new year and this new decade there is one in particular that has been on my mind. It goes like this:
“If you don’t know where you are going any road will get you there.”
I like that saying so much because I often feel like I have no idea where I’m going in life and there might not be a direction that speaks to me. Sometimes there is, but most often there isn’t and that’s okay. It’s not even that I need a destination and even if you do have one that’s not really the point. The point is to be on the road.
Another cliche saying talks about life as a journey and not a destination. It’s also been said as “The road is better than the inn.” They mean the same thing. In both, you can’t enjoy the journey unless you’re on the road. So even if you have no direction. You have to get on the road and you have to move forward. It doesn’t matter what road. It doesn’t matter if you take two steps forward and one step back. It doesn’t matter if you take one step a month. You just have to make sure you are moving forward.
There were times in my life where I thought I had it all figured out, but life is full of surprises. At the end of my undergrad at CMU, it was down to the last two for a graduate assistantship that would have paid for my entire master’s degree. I thought this was the plan. I was confident the assistantship was mine, but they gave it to the other person. The destination that I had been moving towards quickly became far less concrete. I had to think about whether it was something I really wanted to do. If it was free sure I’d do it, but when I was forced to slow down and think about it I definitely wasn’t confident enough to pay for it out of my own pocket.
Instead, I decided I would take the time to travel. It was the perfect time in my life where I didn’t have anything tying me down. I had a new direction. Part of that direction was pursuing Muay Thai fighting in Thailand. I always loved sports and this was my opportunity to pursue a sport seriously and without the restraints of a full-time job and the more expensive cost of living, I would have had in America. Then I got knocked out in a training round and bounced my head off the concrete suffering a concussion. That derailed my plans and made me really consider the dangers of the sport I was pursuing. It didn’t stop me from stepping into the ring and having one fight, but it probably stopped me from devoting a lot of time and energy to a sport with pretty severe long term consequences. Again the direction changed. This time I focused solely on traveling. I ended up having an amazing trip that spanned 7 months, 34 countries, and 4 continents. I saw so much. I learned so much and that made me really appreciative of what we have in America.
Those experiences abroad made me acutely aware of all the blessings we have and how I had taken many of them for granted. The power of an American passport, the power of being a native English speaker, the power of the American dollar and the ability to make a decent wage, and so many other things were on full display when I was traveling. The United States has given me so many opportunities and as a result, I wanted to do my part and serve. As soon as I got back I joined the Army National Guard. I made so many great friends through training and the Army has opened up so many opportunities for me.
If my original plan of grad school had worked out as I had planned I would have missed out on so many memories and experiences I can’t imagine living without. Instead, I stayed on the road and kept moving forward even if it was a different road than I started on. Now I’m one class away from my master’s degree except this time the Army is paying for it.
Now, as I move forward now into a new decade I have some plans, but in a lot of ways, I still don’t feel like I know where I’m going. But as I learned from the previous decade plans are prone to failure and destinations are always changing, but one thing is for sure. If you stay on the road and keep moving forward you will be surprised where the road takes you.
Big Personal Impacts in the Last Decade
Started high school
Started first real job at Dairy Queen
Started wrestling
Graduated high school
Started college at Central Michigan University
Started working in the college athletic department
First solo trip to Nicaragua at age 19
Bought my first house in the hood of Saginaw to rent out
Graduated from CMU
Bought a one-way plane ticket to Vietnam
Trained Muay Thai and had a semi-pro fight
Traveled the Transiberian Railroad
Saw the Great Wall, Lake Baikal, Auschwitz, Berlin Wall, Eifell Tower, Mona Lisa, the Rock of Gibraltar, and other cool stuff
Slept in the Sahara desert
Sailed a crossed the Atlantic ocean from the coast of Africa to the Carribean (Canary islands to Antigua)
Bought a house to live in, with friends, in Saginaw
Joined the Army National Guard and got commissioned as an officer
Army training and the friends I made
Started training jiu jitsu
Started my Master’s degree
Those are just some of the things that I accomplished in the last decade. I’m excited to see where the road takes me in the 2020s. God bless!
